After Cuzzo crowned me queen of the kids on his block, we visited the VIPs much more regularly. During one such visit, Cuzzo took me on a walk around the 'hood. This was A Big Deal since Cuzzo rarely ventured outside. The first thing I noticed was that the block was empty. No people, no birds… no nothing. Even stray animals crossed the street at the sight of us walking down the block. “Is it about to rain?” I asked Cuzzo. “Nobody’s outside.” “That’s because they know better,” he said. “They’re watching though.” He pointed toward the windows overlooking the street. We walked to the corner store. “Get whatever you want, baby girl. On the house.” I grabbed an armful of candy and other snacks while Cuzzo looked on in silence. On our way out, Cuzzo nodded to the cashier and we left without paying. As we headed back to the apartment, the eerie quiet of the streets swallowed us whole.
8/15/12
7/23/12
Blood is thicker than Kool-Aid
The summer before kindergarten, my mother took me to visit some Very Important People we’re related to. She had told them how, as a preschooler, I transformed my friend Moe’s life in less than a year’s time. These VIPs wanted to see me personally to tell me what a great job I did. At the time, I was still unsure of what made the simple act of being a friend so remarkable. These VIPs were going to shed some light on the situation for me.
These VIPs of ours live in the kind of neighborhood where, to this day, needles and dope bags are found on the ground; gunshots are heard often and mattresses are kept close by to press against windows in case there’s any stray bullets; regular cops won’t do, the US Guard roam the streets with AK-47s, M16s, and other assault rifles (really); and you’re lucky to make it out alive—and without kids or a drug addiction—past age 18. It is literally the worst neighborhood in the most crime-infested part of the city.
And these VIPs of ours run it.
The day my mom took me to visit them, I noticed a long, dark trail of something starting from just in front of our parking spot, down the block to our VIPs’ building, up the front stairs of the building, and up three more flights of stairs to the spot right outside of our VIPs’ door. The trail stopped there; an even larger pool of whatever it was had accumulated on the landing.
I looked up wide-eyed at my mother.
“What is that?”
“Kool-Aid,” she said.
The only problems were: 1) Who wastes that much sweet, delicious Kool-Aid? and 2) Kool-Aid doesn’t dry brown.
Once we got inside the apartment and greeted everyone, my mother chatted it up with The Elders while my older cousin took me aside. I asked him about the trail leading up to the door. He asked me if I was afraid of it.
“No. I don’t know what it is.”
“It’s blood. It’s been there a week. The other kids and grownups here are scared to look at it.”
“Oh. I’m not like the other kids.”
He laughed.
“That’s right. You saved a little boy’s life, didn’t you? All the kids around here think you’re a hero.”
I blushed and looked down, embarrassed that others knew what had happened before I had the chance to fully process it myself. I failed to understand then what would happen many more times in the future: my reputation had preceded me.
Cuzzo put his finger under my chin and lifted my head up.
“Don’t be ashamed of that, baby girl. You did a good thing. If you keep it up, you can do many more good things.”
“How?” I asked.
Cuzzo led me to his bedroom and walked toward his closet door. As he opened it, stacks on stacks of dollar bills taller than I was were revealed.
In front of this closet full of stacks, my cousin taught me some basic rules of The Game.
Cuzzo said, “Just like you’re not scared to save somebody’s life or scared to see that blood trail, don’t be scared to get physical. There’s some crazy people out here who will try and step to you because you’re a girl and a kid, but you’re smarter than that. Make ‘em regret it.”
Cuzzo said, “I hear you like to read. Keep that up, baby girl. Knowledge is power.”
Cuzzo said, “This ‘hood here, never be a part of it, even though you, your mom and her brothers, your grandmama and her siblings, and my grandmama and her siblings all come from it. You only visit and do business here, never live here.”
Cuzzo said, “If you keep doing good things, not everyone is gonna like it. In fact, some people will hate it. F*ck what these other b*tches & n*ggas have to say about what you do or don’t do. Get money.”
I laughed at the cussing. Adults never kept it real with me like that, especially at that age. I laughed again some years later when Biggie Smalls & Junior M.A.F.I.A. came out with the song “Get Money,” whose refrain goes: “F*ck b*tches, get money. F*ck n*ggas, get money.” Because of what my cousin taught me that day, I automatically knew Biggie was the truth when it came to rapping.
Finally, Cuzzo said, “If you ever have a problem, baby girl, you let me know. I’ll handle it.”
Before we joined The Elders and my mom again, I asked my cousin what happened to cause that blood trail leading up to the door.
He paused and looked me straight in the eyes.
“Somebody didn’t mind their business,” he said, the laughter of The Elders and my mother rising faintly in the background.
6/22/12
“There’s a difference between recognition and fame”
In light of my recent posts, a few people from my past have stepped forth wondering if I’m referring to them. HA! Ironically, these are people I wasn’t even thinking about while writing, much less targeting my slow-simmering rage at. It still works for me, though: by thinking I’m even remotely referring to them and their actions, they expose themselves as just the kinds of people I am talking about. Smh.
All I have to say on that is this: Watch how you approach a G, y’all.
In these online rants—directed toward no one specific in most cases but everyone in general who’s ever said or thought such nonsense—I’m just telling my story. ALL of my story, and that includes the ugly parts. Those ugly parts helped me get to this point just as much as the fantastically great ones. I value my readers enough to keep it 200% real with them, and the reality is: not everything is perfect. None of this happened overnight or without extreme sacrifice and
focused effort on my part and those of many other people, too.
You don't have to like the truth I'm spitting—everything isn't for everybody. But one thing you will do is respect it.
These are powerful thoughts not everyone is ready for. But that’s not my problem in the least. So Imma continue to vent here on my blog. I know you feel me: in the past week alone, 3K+ page hits confirm that. That is validation to me that these things NEED to be said. If my words are helping another person out there feel a little less alone or crazy, then Mission Accomplished.
So anyways, I was having a convo recently with the bf about the trappings of fame. I frequently say that I never want to be famous, just rich wealthy. Especially after being recognized by the butcher in the grocery store, I just wasn’t feeling the inevitable, which is some sort of recognition. But I misinterpreted all of that as something else: fame blossoming.
I wanted no parts of it. This is what fame does to you:
Admittedly, I tune in to it on TV or via celebrity gossip sites, but in real life, fame is a nightmare to me. I want zero parts of that mess!
While we’re having this convo—with Kanye West’s Last Call playing in the background… how appropriate, lol. I can relate a lot to ‘Ye’s story—bf says something most profound: “There’s a difference between recognition and fame. A big one. Being recognized is a good thing.”
And he’s very right:
recognition – noun; the action or process of recognizing or being recognized, in particular:
• identification of a thing or person from previous encounters or knowledge
• acknowledgment of something's existence, validity, or legality
• appreciation or acclaim for an achievement, service, or ability
fame – noun; the condition of being known or talked about by many people
Recognition is defined more robustly, having a much deeper and varied meaning than simply fame.
I can dig that.
Also, recognition is the most applicable word for my situation. Not everyone reading this is the enemy; in fact, the vast majority are family, friends, and supporters. In the three years I’ve been running this blog, I’ve received one, promptly deleted angry comment a year: always from Anonymous, and always about some real-life celebrity I insulted. You guys should see the comments I got when I spoke on Janet Jackson’s cutlery cheeks, lmao. Girlfriend has some SERIOUS stans!
Talking to the former dean I referred to in my comeback post about the popularity of my blog and some of my concerns surrounding that, she also had some profound things to say. One of them was that all those page hits show that others out there can relate to my story. She reminded me that I’m very well-equipped to tell it. And what a wonderful position to be in, reaching so many people at once with two of my most powerful tools: words and the internet.
My mind was blown all over again.
Something else the dean noticed is that my face and personality is all OVA this blog. She said she doesn’t think that’s unintentional, and she’s right. Especially in IT, women like me need a voice. Some people out there don’t even know that we exist, much less what we look like or think about or the obstacles we have to overcome. Very few, if any, others in a position similar to mine seem to be speaking to and for us, leaving me to claim what is rightfully mine. Woop woop.
The dean said my story is very inspirational, and that more than a few girls and women—and boys and men, too—need to hear it. All of it.
So long story short: I’m gonna keep venting and trash-talking all over this internet, and those who feel me are gonna keep reading and relating.
Seems like a fair enough deal, no?
4/6/11
Tuckered Out *In*
I've been a big fan of a little indie clothing label called Tucker for a while. I first picked up one of Gaby Basora's highly coveted, loosely-cut silk tops while scouring the racks at my favorite consignment shop a couple years ago and I was hooked. Seeing as how the tops are 100% silk, come in beautiful, limited edition prints, and are worn by celebrities and fashionistas alike, it was more than a steal to pick up this lovely for a mere $25 (the tops retail for $200+ at Bloomingdale's, Neiman Marcus, Saks Fifth, and other high-end retailers):
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Imagine how thrilled I was to find that Tucker is part of Target's Go International campaign, in which designers are handpicked to craft affordable, high quality versions of their lines for the masses. The campaign is five years old this year and to celebrate, Target's released some highlights from current and previous Go International collections. With such big names in fashion as Luella Bartley, Paul & Joe, Proenza Schouler, Thakoon, Rodarte, and Zac Posen contributing to the campaign, it goes without saying that the pieces released get snatched up with the quickness.
Browsing the aisles with my homegirl Ashley this week, I spotted the very last of these $34.99 Tucker cuties on the rack:
Fun fact: This is John Legend's 
I'm totally digging the fit of this dress. It falls at a flirty mid-thigh length, is lightweight but not incredibly sheer, comes with pockets (!!!), and has that wonderful vintage-inspired print I've come to know and love from Tucker. I also dig the comfy waistband; it draws the dress in and keeps it from looking too boxy and shapeless. It can also be covered with a chunky leather belt if visible waistbands aren't your thing. The only thing I'd change is the buttons, which say "Tucker" on them--kinda tacky in my opinion. But they can be easily replaced with something less "Look At Me, I'm Wearing A Brand Name."
UGH, "Tucker" buttonsThe Go International campaign is only good for a few more days (ends April 10), so snatch up some of your high-end designer faves from the store while you can!
3/1/11
Charlie Sheen quote generator!
Everyone's favorite coked up crazy now has his own quote generator... FINALLY. This man has been waaaaay too quotable lately to go without one. I could spend hours on this site just soaking up the insanity (not really though... hug a thug, not a[ll] drug[s] y'all).
Click for hilarity.[Thanx Ashley!]
10/9/10
How YOU doin' 'Ye?
7/13/10
STFU: Brandy Norwood
I'm sure most of you have heard by now of the dissolution of The-Dream & Christina Milian's marriage. They got engaged last July, married in September, renewed their vows in December, had a baby together about 5 months ago, and apparently have been separated since last year (wtf?). Recently he's been spotted canoodling in the Caribbean with his assistant...
Matching stomachs is never a good look.Anyways, Reason #1 I'd never, ever want to be a celebrity: some interviewer asked a random bunch of B- and C-listers what they thought of the situation. I'm not sure why any of these people opened their mouths to speak on the business of someone they don't seem to know very well (or at all), but they did. And thanks to that interview we have this gem from Brandy:
Take it from somebody that’s been through so much sh*t in life. You can overcome anything with the power of God because God lives within you. So keep your head up girl. Come out and kill em’!WOW. Should she really be advising someone to "come out and kill 'em"? I swear, these celeb*tches need a filter or something.
7/2/10
Croco--er, Chris Brown Tears
So the blogosphere's been abuzz with reactions to Chris Brown's breakdown during his performance of Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror" at the BET Awards this past Sunday. I could give two sh*ts about any televised awards show (I think they are rigged and boring), much less one on BET, but I figured since I wrote an earlier post about enjoying Brown's music again I should weigh in.
Like I said, I didn't watch the BET Awards--in addition to the above reasons for not watching, True Blood was on--and actual footage of Chris Brown crying during the performance is being removed from various sites as violations of BET copyright 
Frankly, I think people are reading far too much into this. "Man in the Mirror" is an emotional song, especially to be performed by a talented guy with a troubled past (who does THAT sound like?) paying homage to one of his fallen idols in a public arena. People are saying he faked the tears to garner sympathy for himself, since he's had trouble bouncing back professionally after hitting Rihanna.
Ok...
After seeing his apology video on Larry King Live (the one with the infamous bowtie), I don't think he or his handlers are smart enough to do something like that. Also, Brown is a terrible actor. Even if his tears were staged, the sheer awkwardness of breaking down like that in front of a stadium of thousands and a television audience of millions more just sounds like bad marketing to me. After the network's terrible attempt at an MJ tribute at last year's awards and BET having Chris Brown, of all performers, sing "Man in the Mirror" this year, of course this mess is gonna seem fake and insincere. As you can see, such a ploy---if it is one--just serves to further divide the audience into either Chris Brown Supporters or Chris Brown Haters; I've yet to read anything that implies someone's opinion of Brown has changed for the better because of his emotional performance on BET.
To me, this whole ordeal sounds like an attempt from BET to 1. Redeem themselves for last year's MJ tribute, and 2. add some controversy to drum up ratings for the network. I can't say for sure whether or not Chris Brown's tears were genuine, but it doesn't seem far-fetched to me for someone with his public reputation to break down during a song like that.
6/15/10
SOTD: Big Boi - Shutterbugg
Big Boi describes this song as "a funky, get-down, slap-your-sister-in-the-mouth jam.” Agreed. The video is hot, too.
Of course, where there's a Big Boi, there's a 3 Stacks not far behind. Too bad record label beef is keeping them from releasing an album together, UGH.
GQ: So because OutKast as a group is signed to Jive, they’re able to legally block the two of you from working together?Word.
Big Boi: Au contraire! They cannot block it. Au contraire. Either they’re going to do it the right way, or they’re going to do it my way. How you wanna do it? The fans thirst will be quenched. You know, I’m no stranger to that internet, baby. So you already know what time it is. The thirst of the fans will be quenched.
GQ: You’re saying we will be hearing “Lookin For Ya” [with André] even though it’s not on the album?
Big Boi: I guarantee it.
6/12/10
Bert from Sesame Street (finally?) comes out of the closet
Ha ha. I never read too much into his & Ernie's relationship, I just thought they were friends.Reeeally close friends.
Also, Sesame Street has a Twitter?!
6/7/10
Guess what color polish Beyonce's rockin' at the French Open?
Reminds me of another person I know (aka *ME*):
Homegirl also got me hip to Minx nails, which are coming soon to a Sephora near you.
FYI, Minx nails are nail adhesives that a specially trained technician has to apply for you. The process costs about $60 and I heard the adhesives don't even stick on that long, but hey, you'll have really cute and unique nails* til it peels off ::shrug::
*$60 is a lot to be spending on a mani that isn't guaranteed to last at least a week, but to Minx's credit, you CAN achieve many nail finishes that you'd never be able to get with a regular polish (i.e. a true mirror-finish metallic sheen).
5/28/10
Two cool guys
2dopeboyz tells me Jay-Z & Jack White are coming out with an album soon. HOTNESS. I love those guys' music and whatever they come up with in the booth should be fiyah. Can't wait! Head to 2dopeboyz for more info and pics.
4/8/10
Happy Hour @ Sutra Lounge, hosted by me & Leon of ListenToLeon.net
I’m co-hosting a Happy Hour with the infamous Leon of ListenToLeon.net fame. The awesomeness takes place on Tuesday, April 13 at Sutra Lounge (2406 18th Street NW, Washington, DC) from 5-10 PM. This will be a great networking event as well as an excellent opportunity to eat good & drink good for CHEAP!
Spring is here, and you know you’re in the mood to drink & flirt with people. This is the perfect opportunity! Get a buzz! Meet a friend! Bring that a$ to Sutra!
For those not quite ready to call it a night once the Happy Hour ends, there is a hilarious after-party at an undisclosed location. Trust, it will be memorable!
SEE YOU THERE! *~
3/9/10
Power up: NYC's winning condom wrapper design
First the Olympic athletes run out of condoms. Then DC reveals it's gonna start making female condoms more readily available. Now, NYC unveils its new condom wrapper design: a power up symbol.
It's supposed to symbolize New Yorkers' "power to take control and practice safer sex," NYC Health Department says.(nyc.gov via npr.org)
2/11/10
Little Brother's last album
I've been a big fan of Little Brother since their first album The Listening--that's classic hip hop right there. I became an even bigger fan when Phonte and Pooh signed the Dunk I threw onstage at one of their concerts in Boston 
Ever since 9th Wonder left the group in '07, I kinda felt the end was nearing. Here's the official announcement straight from LB. Tour dates and other announcements are pending.
Little Brother Announces Release Date Of April 20th For New LP LeftBackUPDATE: Cover art & tracklisting over at 2dopeboyz.
(January 27, 2010 – Brooklyn, NY) Favorites of fans and critics alike, Little Brother, the North Carolina duo of Phonte and Rapper Big Pooh, is proud to finally confirm the release of an album people have been waiting on for years. LeftBack, which will be the fourth album of Little Brother’s illustrious career, will be available April 20th via Hall Of Justus.
Little Brother members Phonte and Rapper Big Pooh worked through several versions of the album before locking in the final version of LeftBack. Close followers of Little Brother may already be familiar with the LeftBack title, however, any previously held notions of this album being an EP should be dismissed. Little Brother opted to scrap the EP concept and instead, crafted an albums worth of material for those who have bee19waiting patiently for Leftback. “I didn’t want our last record to be a bunch of second rate material,” says Phonte. “I wanted to walk away from Little Brother knowing that I gave our fans all that I had to give, and said everything I wanted to say. With LeftBack, I’ve done that.”
Continuing the tradition they set with the critically acclaimed GetBack, Big Pooh and Phonte have enlisted multiple producers for LeftBack, both from within and outside of the Justus League camp. Producers for this album include frequent collaborator Khrysis and GetBack producers Denaun Porter and Zo!, as well as efforts from Symbolyc One and first time Little Brother contributors, J. Bizness, and King Karnov.
In addition to production, Khyrsis will also be contributing guest vocals on the album. Joining the North Carolina producer/MC are Torae, Truck North, Jozeemoand fellow Justus League MC’s Chaundon and Median. Resident crooner Darien Brockington and songstress Yahzarah also supply vocals on the album.
Despite Little Brother’s dominating presence in the hip-hop world since the 2003 release of The Listening, LeftBack will mark the duo’s first album with a true multi-media experience. Accompanying LeftBack will be four official music videos, all shot and directed by Matt Koza, known for his previous work with Foreign Exchange, Rapper Big Pooh, Kam Moye, RJD2, and more. While not customary for a Little Brother release – the group has had only one previous official video, for The Minstrel Show’s “Lovin’ It” – with LeftBack, Little Brother is excited to offer loyal supporters a long-desired visual take on the group’s music. Says Big Pooh, “Three albums, three mixtapes, 1 video. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense in this day and age. We have always lacked in the visual department, and I think it will be refreshing to finally offer the people those visuals.”
Building on the album’s multi-media offerings, the initial pressing of LeftBack will also feature a limited edition DVD full of exclusive bonus features. Compiled in a documentary format, the bonus DVD will include recent tour footage, as well as exclusive Little Brother footage shot and archived throughout their career. For fans that miss the initial run, a subsequent DVD-only release will also include all official music videos from LeftBack.
1/27/10
Live & inCOLOR Present... F.P.P.O. (For Promotional Purposes ONLY)
From the Facebook invite:
Calling all artists and art lovers! Please join the arts & media innovators at inCOLOR for a night of art, fashion and music. Mingle with fellow movers and shakers in the art industry and swap ideas with the fashionista next to you. Get to know a little more about the creative minds in your local community and show off your own artistic finesse too!
Live and inCOLOR presents F.P.P.O. will take place on January 28, 2010 from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. at TAG Galleries, located at 732 S. Broadway. Come out and network with the newest generation of artists: generation you.
Featured artist of the night Terry Plater is a Baltimore-based artist and graphic designer known for his cool, up-and-coming T-shirt line Fresh Toppings. Plater was one of the first local designers to be displayed at the downtown Di[ɘ]ce Boutique, located on 1211 S. Charles Street, and was previously featured on inCOLOR. Some lucky winners will also walk away looking fresh with an exclusive inCOLOR + Fresh Toppings T-shirt giveaway!
Visit inCOLOR to find out more, and stay Live and inCOLOR to know the who, what and where of what's happening within the art community. Follow us on Twitter at twitter.com/in_COLOR and become a fan on Facebook at facebook.com/LiveandinCOLOR.
1/4/10
Vanity AFFAIR
This is the LAST muhfugga I wanna see topless. Between his "You want 'cho cornbread" prison yard stare and those hairy nipples... PASS.
10/7/09
Afro-Punk: Saul Williams & The Niggy Tardust Experience
A movement, a movie, and now... a tour! From an Afro-Punk email (yeah, I'm on their mailing list):
Seeing Saul Williams perform is believing!Described as a boundary-smashing 'unclassifiable hybrid of Afro-Punk, metal, industrial music' and hip-hop, this is gonna be one to remember. Check out the videos of his performance and interview at the 2009 Afro-Punk Festival to get a taste of what you can expect at "The Niggy Tardust Experience" tour in a city near you!
Needless to say, I'm hella excited for this show! They're coming to DC November 1 @ The Black Cat.
Watch the movie if you haven't already. Really, you need it in your life.
7/2/09
Forever John 3:16
Have you ever wondered about that discreet "John 3:16" on the bottom of your Forever 21 bag? Thinking that one of the stores I frequent so regularly might be run by religious zealots, I did a little investigating and discovered I wasn't so far off:
How would YOU feel about walking around with a Bible verse on your shopping bag? Given that some (A LOT) of the clothes Forever 21 sells are borderline slutty, I don't think they have any place whatsoever putting a bible verse on my shopping bag. This situation smacks of those overly pushy fanatics forcing their religion on unsuspecting passersby.
5/21/09
Rihanna & Drake
